Monday, February 25, 2008

KNOCK KNOCK (who's there?) THE WHO (who?) NO...THE WHO (what?) NEVER MIND (no wait wait, I get it...The Who who!) FORGET IT (aw c'mon, start over)

About two years ago I had this great idea for a new show in the CSI series. I wrote down the description of it, and figured I’d send it to Jerry Bruckheimer. I was sure he’d like it so much he’d decide to do it right on the spot. This isn’t the first time I’ve had an idea along these lines. I also dreamed up (literally) an amazing sequel for Dances With Wolves. But that’s another story. I bet all you clever people out there have ideas for TV show episodes and movies, too. I’m sure you have chicken-scratch notes and synopses written on the backs of bar napkins and wrinkled old envelopes all over the place. But, if you’ve ever tried to actually contact the bigwigs about it, you found that you quickly ran into a big legal firewall. The truth is, no matter how brilliantly terrific your idea is, nobody wants anything to do with it. Why not? Because of the money, honey. You see, if you sent Kev or Jerry or whoever anything unsolicited, from that napkin to a full script, and they read it, but they happen to already be working on something similar, or were about to be thinking about working on something with even the teensiest faintest wildest stretch-of-the-imagination reference to something in your scrap of paper, then you could sue them for stealing your idea. And it’s a safe bet this kind of thing isn’t “hypothetical” either. I’m sure it’s happened enough times before, and some big names got financially burned. Hence the firewall. The fact that you may not be in it for the money; that all you may want is the bragging rights within your small circle of friends won’t be enough to get you an audience. If you don’t believe me, go to Jerry B’s website and read the notice.

Anyway, no one says I can't share my idea with all y'all out there in Cyberland, right? So, I think Detroit/Windsor would make a great CSI franchise. These two are the Twin (international) Cities of the Great Lakes. It could be like Due South, but with grit. Think about it, you’ve got potential for all kinds of episodes: the usual crimes, drugs and intrigue in a city famous for the Purple Gang and the Jimmy Hoffa. On the contemporary end there’s the huge annual auto show (fast cars) big casinos (on both sides of the border), and its own Indy Grand Prix. You could do a lot with cross- border smuggling, homeland security, illegal immigration. There’s lots of interesting ethnic populations from all over the globe, plus a First Nation reserve in the area. What’s not to love? I think the Motor City and the Rose City (Windsor’s nickname) could easily hold their own against the CSI’s in LV, Miami and NY. Can’t you just see someone like Ray Liotta (like he was in Narc) or Michael Madsen (Mr. Blonde in Reservoir Dogs...okay you’re right, that one’s a bit extreme) and maybe Mekhi Phifer (if we can steal him away from ER) as an over-the-edge cop and forensics team? And add to it their Canadian connection, maybe that hunky Chris William Martin from Tom Stone, and Tom Jackson from North of 60. Am I right or am I right?

Well, all we need now is a theme song. That could be a bit troublesome. Of course, tradition dictates that every CSI show has to have a Who song. I like the last 50 or so seconds (2:17 in the video below) of “The Kids Are All Right” – perfect for a troubled burned-out cop who sometimes just has to get away. Or how about that verse about the clenched fist (2:19) in “Behind Blue Eyes.” Yeah, that’d work. But we might prefer to use something more geographically correct. No trouble finding the goods locally, either old school (classic Motown, like Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Goin’ On”) or new (Eminem’s “Lose Yourself”). Oh, I think this could be really big, people! Ah, but it will never happen; not unless somebody behind the wall is already thinking it up. As for me, I threw that scribbled old phone bill envelope away a long time ago. Anyway, here's the song candidates. You can imagine the plot line.

The Kids Are All Right - The band lip sync-ing, and probably given the telltale lack of electric cords, sync-ing everything.

Behind Blue Eyes -

What's Going On -

Lose Yourself - Generally speaking, I'm not into rap or hip-hop. It's just not my generation, and quite frankly, many of the lyrics make me blush. But I like this one, the main song from Eminem's semi-biopic, 8 Mile. Everybody can relate to the theme, and the language is surprisingly tame...what can I say, I'm a big square. Cool shots of my old home town, BTW.

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